Day 58: Pizza

I thought I was ready for anything the Bunco could throw at me, but then there was pizza. Crap. The upshot is that I had 3 slices of pizza and 1/2 cup of ice cream. Since I had saved 1000 calories just in case I don't think I did too much damage.

I think that I will put the scale up for a couple of weeks because I think that the potential for me getting hung up on a number is high and I don't need any more obstacles right now. I will dust it off when I am feeling a little more confident.

Day 57

I weighed in yesterday at 209. If I weren't so fat I would turn cartwheels. This means that there are only 29 more to go to be at my pre children weight. I have Bunco tonight and it will be full of junk food most likely, but I have a plan to eat small portions and eat the veggies and fruit.

The challenge is going to be this weekend. We are going away for the weekend to visit family and it will be very food centered. I am concerned because I could be eating poorly for potentially 9 meals. As I am typing this it occurs to me that there are going to be 4 out of those 9 that I will not have control over what is being served, so why not just try to make best available choices for 5 of them.

We are hitting the road Friday at 4 a.m. and I want to avoid starting my day with 1000 calories of Denny's so I am planning on packing a healthful take-a-long breakfast of whole grain turkey and egg sandwiches, toasted along with strawberry and banana smoothies for the kids and a nonfat latte from Starbucks on the way out. I think that apple wedges, almonds and string cheese will keep us going until we get to our destination.

I guess that is the whole point of this new life. Not giving in. Not giving up. That is what got me in this position to start with. I was like, it's going to be too hard to make healthy choices so oh well, I guess I will make our trip an all I can cram in smorgasbord and call it a day.

Not anymore. And if I make less than healthful decisions I know that regardless on Monday morning I will be back to my routine.

Day 55

Things have been quiet around here because of the same reason I always suspect when a diet blogger pipes down: I feel unsuccessful. Not because I have gone off into a pie face first or anything, but rather the bastard scale isn't doing what I want it to do, I had a few less than perfect meals and I now I just want to throw a tantrum.

This is the craziness that dieting has always led me to. Freaking out over the slightest thing, wanting to be perfect. I am slowly realizing that I am not perfect. Nor is life. This long road I am on can take one or two directions and I'll be damned if I am going back down to Lardville, population 1.

Today I had my calories all planned out, but I was thrown a curve ball: I was starving. If hungry were people, I'd have been China. BUT, I didn't want to go over my calories. So I fretted. and I worried, and I could have eaten bugs and I finally came to my senses. I AM HUNGRY SO I AM GOING TO EAT, EINSTEIN. I was out of fresh fruit and so I went for an Odwalla superfood bar and overall I still stayed under 1600 calories so I should feel fine about that.

One foot in front of the other.....

Day 48: Trial and Error

The exciting news for the day is that the scale read 210.5 this morning! Most of my pants were getting to look a little.....let's say, Clownish, for lack of a better word. My sister had given me a pair of her old fat pants that had been too tight for me and I was surprised that they fit now.

Things have been mostly good on the eating front, although there was a run in with a birthday cake that resulted in the cake losing two pieces to my gaping cake hole, but besides that, all is well.

I am realizing that some calories just aren't worth eating because things like my beloved nonfat latte just don't do anything to keep me full. I would much rather have a giant apple when I am really hungry. So I have swapped it out for iced green tea. Zero calories and it fills my need to spend money in the drive thru Starbucks.

How is your week going?

Day 42: Feeling Strong

The weekend went off without a hitch. I made the healthiest choices I could, had a great time, ate some cake at the birthday celebrations and then pitched the rest of it into the trash when we got home. It felt so wrong to throw away cake, but my body just didn't need it. I even threw in some dirty diapers on top of it just in case I got any wild ideas. I have exercised 6 times in the past week and have started doing a Pilates dvd. I can't believe it! Me! Doing a Yogaish activity!

Also, the scale says 213 so we are moving in the right direction. Things are going so well. And see? I have a really good reason to get healthy!

Day 37: Thinking Thin

I watched the 2nd episode of I Can Make You Thin last night and despite it's infomercial feel, I quite enjoyed it. I don't think the tapping will be all that useful as emotional eating isn't a huge problem for me. Or maybe it is? Is it?

I am entering a phase where I am really analyzing my food intake and the hows and whys of my eating patterns. I also am following the suggestion from the show and others to Think Thin. Interesting concept. I can pretend that I am already thin. What will I eat? How will I exercise? What will I feel like? I am really having a good time with this and am leaving food on my plate and this morning had a major NSV when I ordered a tall sized nonfat latte instead of a venti. Many calories saved and I enjoyed it just as much.

Today is my husband's birthday and we are going out for fish and chips. I was totally freaking out about it for the past week because my baby is turning one (one year already?) on Monday and her big party is tomorrow. There are three cakes in my house. I love cake. I had to take a deep breath and calm myself down. I realized that HEY YOU, you don't have to pig out! Order the small fish and don't finish it! Eat until you are FULL and then STOP shoving it into your gaping cake hole.

I think I am going to be ok.

Day 33: One Third

Here we are about one third into this first 100 days of the rest of my life and I thought I would share of the changes that have happened in my life:

• This is the one I am most excited about! I can get out of bed in the morning without feeling like I am tearing my toenails out. Awesome.
• My skin has cleared up.
• I am full ALL THE TIME. I know. Makes no sense to be eating a third of the calories I am used to and be stuffed, but it is true. The types of food I am eating are so packed full of nutrients that I can barely get it all down. My goal is to eat 1500-1800 calories a day, but I think I am between 1200-1400 most days.
• Eating out is no fun anymore. Whatever they have that is healthy usually tastes like crap so why would I want to spend money on that when I can have home cooking with none of the preservatives or Franken Food.
• I can still indulge sometimes. Like one meal a week I don't pay attention to the calories so closely.
• I don't feel deprived. I FEEL GREAT!

Sample day food:

Breakfast: Double fiber english muffin with 1T natural peanut butter, 1/2T raw honey and 4 dried apricots

Lunch: Homemade bean and veggie soup and an apple

Snack: Soy Crisps

Dinner: Veggie chicken stirfry with brown rice and Strawberries

All real food, all healthy and delicious! Did I mention that it is filling?

To anyone who is thinking that they are too far gone to change.......YOU CAN DO THIS! If I can, you can!